ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
