You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
