The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
