Cold hands, warm shart.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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