Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
