his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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