I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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