oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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