you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
