I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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