wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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