kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
