hotel room ftw
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
