So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
