let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
