They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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