OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
