no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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