I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
