is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
