I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also, beer. Big fan.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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