it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
