I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
