Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
