My Higher Power is John Stamos
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
