remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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