4 words: hood of his car
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
