Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.

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(949): View more from California

My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.

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(646): View more from New York

He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone

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(815): View more from Illinois

Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone

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(682): View more from Texas

Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong

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(714): View more from California

He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.

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(812): View more from Indiana

She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d

(1-812): View more from Indiana

Don't you live in 4c?

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