omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
