so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
