it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
