Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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