Having a random hookup so left but love u
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
