I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
