Define "chronic" masturbator.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
