kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
