Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
