He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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