I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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