I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
