Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
