Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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