All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
