You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's always time for handjobs
Are we still banned from the library?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
