Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
