the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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