Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
...so i touched it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
