Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
