i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
