The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
