I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
