: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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